the danger of change

Woodrow Wilson

It's his birthday, born 150 years ago today, so I will quote him.

"If you want to make enemies, try to change something."

I see it all the time. People upset by change.

It's been upsetting to me sometimes too. Once, after working on a project for years, it was taken away from me. (Somewhat underhandedly I might add.)

Very upsetting.

I more or less got over this change.

It, the project, really wasn't mine anyway. I didn't have a dog in the fight. I moved on, that was the nature of my job anyway, do something and move on to something else.

Once you have moved on you shouldn't look back too hard. Whatever you have done will be lost on the next generation. They will relearn things you have already figured out. They will make the same mistakes and they will think they know better than you.

It is a sign of good character not to try to stay at the party too long and squabble over what you have left behind.

Anyway, there is danger in change. I really can't explain it. I just know it is so.

Must be.

Look at how upset many people get over change.

Perhaps it is each individuals need to be in control.

Change is a sign that control has escaped them. Scary stuff, being out of control.

Probably delusional anyway.

How can any of us think we are in control of anything if we are anything less than the very best we could be mentally, spiritually and physically?

So next time you find yourself bristling at the prospect of change, just stop.

Stop and think about the stake that you have invested and what that earns you right now.

Chances are, it may not be worth as much as you feel it is. You may not have anything to fear after all.

accidental photographer

My brother shoots pictures too.

He use to fire away with film cameras and then store the exposed film in the fridge until he could afford to process.

Now he is digital.

And I think he is better for it.

Sure, I am a member of the school of thought that says a photographer should understand exposure and all new cameras let people off this hook. But that is a platform that a lot of people can't stand on.

My brother being one. But with a digital he can fire away and fire away he does. He tells me he has over a thousand pictures on his camera.

They are moving from being snapshots to being photographs.

living in the past

I let NPR play on the car radio all of the time.

While out tonight I was listening to a show that I don't often get to hear.

I don't make any effort to listen to this show and the reason for that indifference soon popped up.

The show is supposed to be an outlet for people who do not feel that they can hear their side of the story in most other newscasts.

In short order they were talking about the past. About how someone else had dominated their ancestors and stole from them.

I didn't need to hear anymore.

Living in the past denies a promising future.

If you want to dwell on it go right ahead.

I don't care about the oppression of my ancestors so I won't care about yours.

Unfortunate unjust unfair et cetera.

My serf ancestors lived their lives and I think they would prefer to see their decendents living for the future instead of anguishing over the past.

You can only do something about one of those two choices.

I hit the button that is marked CD.

snapshots

Developed a couple of rolls of film this past week. Part of my collection of unprocessed rolls sitting around the house.

Snapshots.

A bunch of pictures mostly unworthy of further consideration.

The eye is dormant.

I have more to process and expect much the same. More snapshots.

Oh there were some that will be pleasing to someone in that first batch. About twenty portraits of a niece. Not too bad, just not too good. they will be given away, except for the one with Snickers in it, I'm keeping all pictures of my baby.

The eye that produces good pictures must be cultivated.

The way to pictures worthy of consideration is to consider the picture before you take it.

Pointing a camera and pressing the button produces snapshots.

Consider before you point the camera.
Think about the picture.
Work out the exposure.

The more you do this the easier it becomes.

Pretty soon the eye will be with you.

Pictures to follow

the rational collector

Some people collect cookie jars.

Some collect beanie babies.

That's all well and good but I am a more rational collector. I collect things that I can use.

Among these collections of mine you will find a small one of cameras.

I have returned recently to this collection after laying off it for a number of years. I've been placing bids on eBay on some expensive ones and some not so expensive ones.

For the most part I've been bidding early and somewhat low on the expensive old cameras. In one auction my bid was exceeded by over seven hundred dollars!

Well last Saturday I saw one I thought I would like and partly in response to my pain over losing my little dog and partly because I would not be online when the auction ended, I posted a very competitive bid, turned off the PC and went to my brothers house to watch the OSU-Michigan game.

When I got home I found out that I had won the camera!


Now what makes this story interesting is that a few days later the last bid I had on another similar camera went unchallenged and I won it too!


So now I have two similar cameras when I would have been perfectly happy with one. Well that's alright, after all, I am a collector.

sorry

Time to quit the bullshit and get back to work.

This blog was never about some foolish person who thought he had his life together.

It has always been about a foolish person who knew he didn't have his life together but at least was taking a shot, sort of, at getting it together.

The door has always been open for readers to join in and help themselves.

Of course I've wasted a lot of time for the past year by writing very little. Sorry. Should have kept it up.
I have felt very sorry about my lack of production. The writing project is one that is full of hope for the future. I have little hope without it. I don't live the sort of life that fits in nicely with retirement. I have to be doing something productive.



I have felt even more sorry recently because my best friend died this past Thursday.

My little dog Snickers passed unexpectedly.

It shouldn't have happened at all.

I feel that I should have exercised better judgement as her health changed over the last year.

I am sorry that she died in bed without me being right there with her instead of just nearby.

I just didn't expect it.

I was her daddy and I let her down.

I have a broken heart once again.

I still get upset when I think about her predecessor, and he died seven years ago.

I am sorry to say that I have managed to change little over the years. I am an overweight middle-aged man living in a messy house.

And if I don't do something, I mean really do something about it, then someday the writing will stop again and never return. My home will fail me and that will be the end.

what I would do if I had money

It's a recurrring line of thought that most of us have.

It came to me today (or was it yesterday?) on my way to the races. I saw a sports car I would like to have and I thought "What I could do if I had money."

Of course I am talking about lots of money. Big lottery jackpot kinds of money. Millions and millions of money.

See if you can recognize the funny part.

After I set up my new residence I will exercise everyday and get in fine shape.
(Of course I already have a place to live and why do I need money to exercise? I could be exercising everyday now but I'm not.)

I will get a selection of fine cars to try out.
(I already have a fine old car that I don't pay enough attention to.)

I will build a (insert choice here [sports car, hot rod, chopper, airplane, wooden boat].)
(Detail: I never finish anything, why would having money make that different?)

I will employ all of my family and friends and their jobs will be to take care of themselves and work along side of me on any project they find interesting.
(This is like saying that I expect them to listen to me, something they don't do now. Why would I think it would change just because I was paying them?)

Well most everything I think I would like to do can probably be done on a lesser scale without having gobs of money.

I guess I should just change my thinking to: What I would do if I just did something.

race on sunday, grade school on monday

" The 72 Metrakit race turned out to be one of the best races of the day. 14-year-old Tommy Aquino (24) battled side by side with 11-year-old Cassidy Heiser (67) in every corner in every lap. Aquino eventually won."
From the 2006 Road Racing Grand Championships article on the AMA site here.

How does an 11 year old do this on Sunday and report back to grade school on Monday?

The bikes may not have the top speed of full size bikes but they carry all their speed through the corners. There is not a lot of difference in the size of the tire contact patch.

"What did you do this weekend Billy?"
"Watched the game on TV and then we had pizza!"
"What did you do Cassidy?"
"I raced my motorcycle on a proffesional road race course in front of thousands of people."

Well there weren't that many people there but it was awesome!

What a head start kids like this get over their peers.

I work with people who complain about every little change.

without comment

It's quite normal, letting life go by without comment.

Some people can talk endlessly about the events in their lives without ever really saying anything. They are looking for validation.

Some people can go through every single day without the need to talk about themselves at all. They are not looking for validation.

Normal events pass with normal meanings, or do they? I look out my window at work and see dozens of people on the floor below. Some shrug off the twists and turns of a working life while others get angry at the very same things.

And few comment on it. Complain maybe, comment, no not that. Objective observation is beyond them. Everything is subjective.

Objective consideration of the events that pass before us, that is a place to start.

It's 6:57 A.M., my head aches and I have to tie my work shoes.

allies

Last year I worked a job that did not require too much of me mentally.

That job was my ally.

No demands allowed creativity to flow.

Perhaps I am returning to that place as I gain experience with my new tasks.

Can you return to such a place?

After all Lennon and McCartney never reunited. Miller and Kazan never found the magic again. Simon still doesn't need Garfunkle.

It will not be the same.

Freedom awaits again but a different course will be charted. A bit more personal.

I must accept my humble abode.
Exercise of the body and the mind.
Handle interuptions.

In discipline there is freedom.

the very day

The very day after I write about lagging brain development in young people my nephew gives me an example.

We talked about a motorcycle trip together for a week and did so again this past Sunday. Come Monday he wants to know again when the trip is because his children are coming to stay with him for the summer.

"Oh, you forgot to mention that. Since they get here the week before we plan to leave and this is the only time you get to see them I think that means we aren't going on this trip."

"I guess not."

uncle chris' little joke

While with nephew or neice whenever the chance arises to question the judgement of a young person I always explain to them that the juvenile mind is not developed.

"Young peoples's brains don't work right. Give them time and they will develop."

"How long will that take?"

"I think the brain will be fully developed by (the listeners age plus two.)"

Gets them everytime.

preparedness vs readyness

I've been doing some small jobs on a motorcycle of mine.

Everything could have been done in an afternoon.

That is, if I had been prepared for the work.

Days have stretched into weeks and before too long weeks will stretch into months.

Now then, I was ready for the work but readyness is different from preparedness. Being ready is a matter of confidence. There was nothing about this work that I had not done before and I had all the tools I needed.

I wasn't prepared for the work.

First of all the bike is in a distant garage. And that garage has been hijacked. Rather than being a place for tools and the work they do the garage has been severely imposed upon by other things.
There are now three other bikes in the garage.
There was a stack of boxes in there belonging to one fellow and upon the removal of the boxes more moved in from another fellow. The bad example had been set. Since then another stack has appeared but it should leave soon.
There is a lot of other stuff, normal stuff, like the boxes that actually belong to the household.
Outdoor furniture, lawn mower and tools and clippings blowing around.
It is the start of the virus I call stuff.
The obsessive gathering of things that might be used someday, but probably won't.
Stuff infects a great many of us and few are cured.

Then we must compound these issues with various stops along the way.
These O-rings are no good, order more.
These O-rings are the wrong size, order more.
This part is missing, order a new one.
This retaing ring is lost, go get a new one.
Oops! Should have done that step before the one I did do.
It just goes on.

More recent experience would have helped here.
A space would have been prepared, tools laid out on a bench, parts all set down in order.

So there you go. It is one thing to be ready to do a job, it is another to be prepared to do a job.

I'll be back in that garage tomorrow.

planning a trip

A bike trip.

With my nephew who just got out of the army.

A snippet of the route here, a snippet of the route there.

There is a destination but it's secondary.

More or less, write down the segments to ride and string them altogether.

Goals are fine but sometimes it's not about the destination.

Sometimes it's about the journey.

Vistas need to be seen, hollers explored.
Small restaurants need to be found.
Low cost motels in the back country need to be discovered.
Enjoy the ride and wave at people.

I'll have him read Kerouac and I will read, hmm, what else, Pirsig.

We shall both write.

We will visit the Parthenon and turn back north on a different route.

Never the same road twice.

If the stars are in our favor we will hook up with other riders along the way.

There is a mobile community out there and we are members as long as we ride.

Leave the bike parked in the garage and you are merely a pretender.

Ride, just ride.

With friends.

we get what we deserve

I rewrote a letter for a friend yesterday. Sort of a business letter. Less than 400 words.

She wrote the letter out in hand to begin with and I was to copy it on the PC so it could be printed. I was also supposed to clean it up a little bit but not get too fancy.

I didn't change anything at all in the first couple of sentences and thought I might get through the whole thing like that but my instincts took over and I rewrote as I went along.

When I was done I still thought it was pretty awful and if it was mine I would have started over.

I handed the copy to my friend for corrections and I got approval instead. She thought it was great.

Hmmm.

Sort of speaks to the popularity of some writers.

just writing

I have some assignments and I have to get cracking on them so here goes.

Was a time in the life of everything when it was at its peak. Pick a subject and write about it. Do we do our part to maintain that peak time? To diminish that peak time? To transform that peak time?

Use to meet on a cement island with some buddies. We would don our hats and saddle up and cruise south down a winding river road in the country. Don't do it any more. The road has been ironed out, the buddies are scattered, times have changed. Are those trips still viable?

We are a nation of collectors. I have enough woodworking handtools for 20 men, I have boxes of charming old film cameras and the world has gone digital, I have a thousand books and not enough time to read them all. What is this obsession with having? Where is the obsession with doing?

I was in the civil war. Well I was one of those re-enactors thirty some years ago. We put on simple uniforms and kit and went out and had fun. There are stitch counters today that wouldn't let us do that at their events. When does the appearance of something begin to take on more importance than the doing of something?

I'm putting up a sign in my office. "Why are all the NEW IDEAS something that I worked on a few years ago?"

There is a key to maintaining enthusiasm. It's called participation.

A fellow I know wants to build a woodworking shop for himself. I advised him to start with the project and then buy the tools.

I hear that auto repair shops like to hire poor people. The reason is that if you grow up poor then you have been forced to maintain your own vehicles. Your family couldn't afford to pay someone else to do it for them. Necessity is the mother of good mechanics.

Back in the teen age of the last century the world transformed. What was once viable became obsolete but people kept on doing it anyway because they liked it. It became a sport.

Crossed the country back in '84. Stopped for a quick lunch somewhere in Colorado. Talked to two brothers going the other way. Nice guys. Some lady pulled into the spot behind them, reached across and locked the door, pulled her kids out the far side.

That's ten rough ones. Seven thousand more words to go.

rut

Having something to do may be the greatest motivator.

It is very easy today to work for a living while not really having anything else to do. Too easy.

Once you get settled in and everything is running right you can kick back a little and enjoy.

Too often the kick back becomes a habit.

Science should develop a term for this. This condition, this disease should be identified.

No doubt about it, I am plagued by this issue.

In my older brothers time the phrase bandied about was to be 'in a rut.' Now it's not all bad being in a rut. It means you are doing what everyone else is doing. Buying a home, getting married, raising kids, buying a car, you know, working for a living.

My brother might not agree but the rut my parents were in served us well. My brother might tell you of neglect while I might tell you of pennies being pinched because there were damn few of them. My brother might say that his parents didn't pay enough attention to him while I might counter that they paid too much atttention. It is all a matter of perspective. My brother craved attention while I could do without it.

I really don't know what my brother would have to say, he is in a rut of his own by now. And a rut is a damn hard thing to get out of.

of old gas stations and all of us

I have few obsessions.

One I do have is a recurring thought process that races through my mind whenever I pass an old closed gas station. Actually this pattern of thought occurs whenever I pass any old commercial building but gas stations make the best example.

Whenever you see a closed gas station stop a minute and think about what it might have looked like in its hey day. Stop and imagine what it was like on the day when it did the most business in its history. What was it like on the day when the owner thought he had a good thing going?

Stop and think about what happened after that magnificent day because surely things went wrong after that.

Old stock certificates start the same process. Lots of old certificates of defunct companies show bustling plants that are long gone. What happened?

And so it goes with us.

All of us had days in our lives when we were stronger than any other day before or since. Days when we could run farther or faster. Days when we were at our sharpest.

Days that are lost forever as we grow older.

Our best days will eventually be behind us, nothing we can do about that. We need to be aware of those days and work hard enough so that we are not so far off from our peak that we can no longer imagine it.

reality

I watched Black.White. on Fx tonight and one thing was clear.

I heard about Barry Bonds and steroids this week and one thing was clear.

Your reality is your first value.

In self improvement living your values is just about at the top of the list. When we try to put a finger on our own personal values, the character traits that mean the most to us, we naturally start looking at a list of adjectives.

We then miss the most important one.

Our own reality is the first value, right or wrong, and if it is wrong then it needs to be put right.

Let's look at Barry Bonds vs. sports writers.

First there is the question of taking 'performance enhancing supplements.'

We live in a competitive culture where we have long admired people who do more to get ahead. Athletes knew a hundred years ago that if they ate more liver than their competition it would give them an advantage. They learned that if they exercised it would give them an advantage. They learned that if they got enough rest and didn't drink alcohol or smoke tobacco it would give them an advantage. They kept learning.

Vitamin and essential nutrient supplements came along and athletes took these to have an advantage over the other guy. That was okay.

All during this period sports writers would sing the praises of the athlete who worked harder. They would be happy to tell us about the athletes dedication, competitivness and clean living.

Every action generates a reaction and the work outs got harder and more precise, the supplements got more complicated and everything was timed and measured.

We have moved into an era where people expect more of athletes but don't understand what it takes to get more.

Trainers and coaches began to learn new techniques and practises and they would pass them on. Bodybuilding magazines had articles about diets that would promote muscle growth. This was okay.

Then chemists got involved. They identified naturally occuring substances in humans and duplicated them with the idea that if you supplemented with these your body would make it's own steroids, primarily testosterone.

Who can blame athletes for going along with the plan, after all more was always expected of them.

It took science to identify vitamins and they were okay to use.
It took science to identify esential nutrients and they were okay to use.
It took science to identify exercise practises that would give an athlete the edge and that was okay.

Testosterone precursors were okay when they came along too. They were legal, they were advertised, they were sold over the counter.

They were also one step beyond the understanding of sports writers. Outside their version of reality.

Precursors were probably beyond the understanding of most athletes too. The athletes knew one thing, that these were the supplements that guys were taking to get stronger and they had better get on board or be left behind.

This is the same thing that athletes knew in the sixties when they started taking vitamins.

There wasn't much question about taking these things. Athletes were expected to do whatever it took to get better and the leaders of the sports had nothing to say on the matter. That was the reality.

Today we face a split reality in sports. Athletes are still expected to get bigger, stronger and better but they are also expected not to cross a line that has advanced for a hundred years.

Where that line is a sports writer can't tell you but he knows it when he sees it.

Barry Bonds reality is to get bigger, stronger and better as he is expected to do.

Sports writers expect athletes to get bigger, stronger and better but not by utilising the latest advances in science. Even though that was okay up until now.

I think the leaders of the sport need to spell out todays reality. If that reality doesn't fit well with the past ten years that is just too bad. You shouldn't damn the athletes for doing what you expected them to do.

bass lines

Some people can't work without music. Some people can't drive a car without music. Some people can't do anything without music.

Most of them aren't very interested in music. They can't tell you how many notes there are much less name them. They can't tell you anything about tempo beyond 'fast' or 'slow.' Music is a mystery to them, it might as well be something magical, like electricity!

So why do they need music? Because they need the rhythm. The music keeps their minds on track, keeps their thoughts from wandering. They are in the habit of synchronizing their brain waves with the music. It becomes an involuntary habit.

The rhythm section of a rock band has two elements. The drums keep time and the bass plays the rhythm. The bass player works from the key notes when he constructs his bass lines. There might be a guitar playing chords also, these chords are built on the same key notes that the bass works from.

Herein lies a lesson.

A good song sticks to the plan. The bass lines work from the key notes. No one throws in whatever they want whenever they want because just any old thing won't do.

That is a pretty good way to guide your life too.

Know what key you are playing in. That would be knowing your guiding values.

The bass progression is from that key. Progress from your values.

Don't go off key. You are what you are and if you don't stick to that you will be out of tune.

You can find someone to teach you how to play the bass. It is much harder to find someone to teach us how to live life.

Life itself is the teacher.

Are you learning the lessons that life is teaching?

send off

A couple of beers with a couple of the guys. Not much to it.

It is sad how little independence people have today. Half couldn't come at all, half who did couldn't stay.

Everyone can tell you what freedom is but few can demonstrate it.

To be free, freedom must be an overriding value. It doesn't have to be first 100% of the time, just available.

I can tell you that I'm not free and I don't know anyone who is. I can also say that I am a bit closer to it than most and farther away from it than I would like to be. Freedom has a meaning all its own and that meaning gets lost when you choose to put other things before it.

time for a change

Change does not come easy. Sometimes you must change a lot to change a little.

That is the stream that my little boat is in right now.

One more night at work, out for a few beers with the crew and then I'm on vacation.

I have 32 things to do on my to-do list. It would be really something to get them all done.

When the vacation is over I go back to work on day shift.

Different time, different work, change.

I'll be getting up at about the same time that I go to bed now. Change.

I've got write everyday down on the list so check back for something new come Saturday. I've already written down some ideas.

New stuff on Ordeal again, change.

sold off in three rings

On Saturday I went to the home of a man who thought he might live forever.

I was there because he was wrong.

I didn't know him, nor anyone in his family, nor did I talk to anyone who knew him but I could tell that he thought he would never die.

How?

By the amount of stuff he had piled into his shabby brick two-story.

There is no other explanation.

All the wood parts on the house were years past needing paint and so too the garage. Just the sort of job a handy man might tackle, you would think.

You would also think that someone well equipped with tools would probably be a handyman. This is not always the case, sometimes they are former handymen.

But a handyman craves tools even if he doesn't always use them and this fellow indulged himself right to the end.

I was there for an estate auction. I saw dozens and dozens of hand planes, nothing wrong with that, I know lots of collectors with more, but these seemed more gathered than collected. Dozens of electric drills and circular saws were there, far more than one man could have a use for.

There was a nice table saw in the basement, and three more in the garage.

There were enough yard tools for a dozen homes. But the yard showed little work. It did show three additional sheds and a tarped pile of wood.

There was more there than one man could use in a lifetime. Hence my conclusion that the fellow thought he would never pass.

There were hundreds of books. There were boxes of unused hiking boots. There were six or seven bikes, none working. A fiberglass canoe, an aluminum row boat. Dozens of hand saws, all dull.

There were three old cast iron light poles laying on the ground.

Here is the moral of the story.

Because he was a man who had tools rather than a man who really used his tools he was unable to pass on to his family the importance of those tools.

They were just things to be sold off in three rings on a warm Saturday in January.

You can get a lot done without very many tools and people will appreciate your work.

People will not appreciate your things.

oops!

Oops!

Nothing in a month!

Shocking!

I am still here. Snickers is okay so life is good. I've been working in my house so I'm getting something done.

Getting organized. What a chore!

Shelfs are being weighed down with things that must go. No getting around it, you can't keep all of your interests forever. I've been the ideal consumer over the years and it is time to start unloading things, mostly at a loss!

Don't start a contest that you can't win. You can never own everything you want and trying to get all the little things you want will only keep you from some of the big things.

I know I am mostly talking to the wind when I say this. You can not beat the power of advertising.

All that said and after I load up the sales on eBay I will probably keep on shopping there everyday.

Good thing it is mostly window shopping!