just a little

Took last week off. Was lazy at first. Then my nephew, Geoff, got the call that the buyers of his house wanted him out a week early. Finished the week in quite a hurry. He did most the work. Now he is living in my house.

You can't catch something with a closed fist. You must open your hand. So life throws things at us and most of us have a closed fist. The closed fist is our mind games, our delusions, our own personal reality. Even those of us who have realized this and worked through it often seem to be closed to the world. The place of freedom they have found being just another mind game.

Geoff brought his two dogs with him. Pit bulls. Big babies. I feel sorry sometimes for the big one. He is just too big to sit with a person the way dogs love to do. Then I wonder if I am just identifying with him. Mind games.

I told Geoff he needed to have a number of irons in the fire. He needs to generate some independent means of income. Something to work with if he finds himself unemployed in a receding economy. Now it seems I may need that too. It is a bit gloomy at work. Corporate is moving work out of the building. I think the average age is rather high. People are left wondering if the business will still be at this location long enough for them to retire.

identity

For a moment, I identified with my brain tumor.

I suppose this has happened before, with other things, but I really don't remember.

It was perhaps the realization that technically it is a brain tumor. Technically. I really don't think of it as such since it is below the brain. I feel a little guilty sometimes when I say it. For dramatic effect only it seems.

The point is that, for a moment, I had something that I used to identify myself with. That moment has passed.

I am back to not needing anything to identify myself with. I am just myself.

Identifying yourself with something external seems to be part of the human condition. You do not need to look too carefully at people to discern this among many of them. It works for them so no need to worry about it.

What happens if the something goes away?

tipping points

Tipping points reached and passed.

I have reached the point where I no longer have anyone to turn to for I am the one that friends and family turn to.

I have a pituitary tumor that has been messing things up for years. It is under control now and vitality is returning.

I am through with those who cannot see beyond themselves.

I realize that all of us are largely delusional, this enables me to realize my own delusions as they come and go.

i give no meaning

Sometimes, people say things, you know, insulting things, stupid things, nonsense.

I do not give what other people say any meaning.

If it has no meaning then it has no effect.

I live in my moment. Not in the moments of others.

snapshots

Bikes: Suzuki GSX1100G, Kawasaki ZX14, Yamaha TDM850
Thanks to Killboy.com and US129photos.com for use of the photos.
These are pictures from our spring 2009 trip.

listen to music

7,514
Number of songs on my portable hard drive.
Play them through the PC everyday at work.
Random selections.

currents

I find that as I give less meaning to my own thoughts other people give more meaning to them.

Thousands and thousands of years ago our ancestors developed a scarcity gene. Food was scarce, shelter was scarce and other people were scarce. Everything was hard to come by so when you found what you needed you latched onto it. This is not true anymore but we are stuck with the predisposition.