The differences between being a man and a boy is your ability to face what life hands you.
My nephew has a chance at a good paying job but it is 1200 miles from home and it presents other lifestyle changes to him.
At the age of 32 he is nervous and excited.
I told him he shouldn't be.
I explained to him that he has been living his life as a boy and it was time to leave all of that behind.
In his life he needs daily contact with a great number of his friends, he needs to 'hang out' with people, he needs to idle away his time in the company of others, he needs constant reassurance of his value. This is the life of American youth.
I explained to him that as a man he should go about his life doing his business. He should live among people not live as part of a group.
I pointed out that 'hanging out' was something that people with nothing to do, no money and no direction did.
People who live life do not 'hang out', they might visit other people, they might go places with other people, they might do things with other people, but they don't have a need to just be around their friends as much as possible.
I also explained to him that as a man he could just face the challenge of his opportunity and take care of things. As a boy he is anxious and afraid and unsure.
You're not an adult when you pay your own bills or live on your own. Those are mundane tasks in our society that are not too demanding.
You're an adult when you can deal with things effectively and rationally without the help of others.
Saturday
Tuesday
karma
A friend was looking forward to attending her class reunion with great anticipation.
She even worked it out so that she could bring a sister, who knew everyone there, so that her husband would have someone to talk to while she danced with her old friends. You see, he doesn't dance.
Well sister is a little off the wall and, well, she really made an impression on everyone at the party.
Said and did lots of things that she shouldn't have. Embarrassed the hell out of my friend.
Probably won't attend the next reunion.
Of course this was just karma in action.
If her husband danced then nothing like this would have happened. Sister would not have been there.
I told her I would take dancing lessons with her.
She even worked it out so that she could bring a sister, who knew everyone there, so that her husband would have someone to talk to while she danced with her old friends. You see, he doesn't dance.
Well sister is a little off the wall and, well, she really made an impression on everyone at the party.
Said and did lots of things that she shouldn't have. Embarrassed the hell out of my friend.
Probably won't attend the next reunion.
Of course this was just karma in action.
If her husband danced then nothing like this would have happened. Sister would not have been there.
I told her I would take dancing lessons with her.
Wednesday
just a little
Took last week off. Was lazy at first. Then my nephew, Geoff, got the call that the buyers of his house wanted him out a week early. Finished the week in quite a hurry. He did most the work. Now he is living in my house.
You can't catch something with a closed fist. You must open your hand. So life throws things at us and most of us have a closed fist. The closed fist is our mind games, our delusions, our own personal reality. Even those of us who have realized this and worked through it often seem to be closed to the world. The place of freedom they have found being just another mind game.
Geoff brought his two dogs with him. Pit bulls. Big babies. I feel sorry sometimes for the big one. He is just too big to sit with a person the way dogs love to do. Then I wonder if I am just identifying with him. Mind games.
I told Geoff he needed to have a number of irons in the fire. He needs to generate some independent means of income. Something to work with if he finds himself unemployed in a receding economy. Now it seems I may need that too. It is a bit gloomy at work. Corporate is moving work out of the building. I think the average age is rather high. People are left wondering if the business will still be at this location long enough for them to retire.
You can't catch something with a closed fist. You must open your hand. So life throws things at us and most of us have a closed fist. The closed fist is our mind games, our delusions, our own personal reality. Even those of us who have realized this and worked through it often seem to be closed to the world. The place of freedom they have found being just another mind game.
Geoff brought his two dogs with him. Pit bulls. Big babies. I feel sorry sometimes for the big one. He is just too big to sit with a person the way dogs love to do. Then I wonder if I am just identifying with him. Mind games.
I told Geoff he needed to have a number of irons in the fire. He needs to generate some independent means of income. Something to work with if he finds himself unemployed in a receding economy. Now it seems I may need that too. It is a bit gloomy at work. Corporate is moving work out of the building. I think the average age is rather high. People are left wondering if the business will still be at this location long enough for them to retire.
Thursday
identity
For a moment, I identified with my brain tumor.
I suppose this has happened before, with other things, but I really don't remember.
It was perhaps the realization that technically it is a brain tumor. Technically. I really don't think of it as such since it is below the brain. I feel a little guilty sometimes when I say it. For dramatic effect only it seems.
The point is that, for a moment, I had something that I used to identify myself with. That moment has passed.
I am back to not needing anything to identify myself with. I am just myself.
Identifying yourself with something external seems to be part of the human condition. You do not need to look too carefully at people to discern this among many of them. It works for them so no need to worry about it.
What happens if the something goes away?
I suppose this has happened before, with other things, but I really don't remember.
It was perhaps the realization that technically it is a brain tumor. Technically. I really don't think of it as such since it is below the brain. I feel a little guilty sometimes when I say it. For dramatic effect only it seems.
The point is that, for a moment, I had something that I used to identify myself with. That moment has passed.
I am back to not needing anything to identify myself with. I am just myself.
Identifying yourself with something external seems to be part of the human condition. You do not need to look too carefully at people to discern this among many of them. It works for them so no need to worry about it.
What happens if the something goes away?
Wednesday
tipping points
Tipping points reached and passed.
I have reached the point where I no longer have anyone to turn to for I am the one that friends and family turn to.
I have a pituitary tumor that has been messing things up for years. It is under control now and vitality is returning.
I am through with those who cannot see beyond themselves.
I realize that all of us are largely delusional, this enables me to realize my own delusions as they come and go.
I have reached the point where I no longer have anyone to turn to for I am the one that friends and family turn to.
I have a pituitary tumor that has been messing things up for years. It is under control now and vitality is returning.
I am through with those who cannot see beyond themselves.
I realize that all of us are largely delusional, this enables me to realize my own delusions as they come and go.
Monday
i give no meaning
Sometimes, people say things, you know, insulting things, stupid things, nonsense.
I do not give what other people say any meaning.
If it has no meaning then it has no effect.
I live in my moment. Not in the moments of others.
I do not give what other people say any meaning.
If it has no meaning then it has no effect.
I live in my moment. Not in the moments of others.
snapshots
Bikes: Suzuki GSX1100G, Kawasaki ZX14, Yamaha TDM850
Thanks to Killboy.com and US129photos.com for use of the photos.
These are pictures from our spring 2009 trip.
Saturday
listen to music
7,514
Number of songs on my portable hard drive.
Play them through the PC everyday at work.
Random selections.
Number of songs on my portable hard drive.
Play them through the PC everyday at work.
Random selections.
Thursday
currents
I find that as I give less meaning to my own thoughts other people give more meaning to them.
Thousands and thousands of years ago our ancestors developed a scarcity gene. Food was scarce, shelter was scarce and other people were scarce. Everything was hard to come by so when you found what you needed you latched onto it. This is not true anymore but we are stuck with the predisposition.
Thousands and thousands of years ago our ancestors developed a scarcity gene. Food was scarce, shelter was scarce and other people were scarce. Everything was hard to come by so when you found what you needed you latched onto it. This is not true anymore but we are stuck with the predisposition.
what I learned this past year (how trite)
Change.
As Ringo would say, it don't come easy.
Much has changed and much has not.
Once again my personal efforts fell short of noticeable achievement.
Nonetheless, change must be an irresistible force because it came anyway.
A story line came to and end. The last page of a book was reached. A new narrative was begun.
Our mother passed away this past year. Heartbreaking. A voice lost, someone I talked to every single day is gone.
As one force is spent so others were unleashed. I've avoided speaking of family in the past and will continue this policy now that I have deleted what I was writing a minute ago. I guess it is just not in my character to speak ill of someone as I would have to in one case.
Well what have I learned.
I learned that if I don't exercise I will be in a lot of trouble.
I learned that I can handle whatever life throws at me.
I learned that there are more people who have strong feelings on my behalf then I would have guessed.
I learned that I have more than I need and want more than I need.
I learned that I cannot have everything I want.
I learned that not everything works the way it should as I get older.
I learned that if gas spends much time at four dollars a gallon it will cost me way to much to live where I am now.
I learned that sharks circle when they smell blood.
I learned that sometimes you can make plans and that sometimes that is all they are, plans.
I learned that their are some pretty weak characters who underestimate the strength of others.
I learned that I have been a caregiver for years and didn't know it.
I learned that there are a lot of people who don't know what they are doing but the world muddles along just the same.
I did not learn where all that lost money went to!
Back soon.
Promise.
As Ringo would say, it don't come easy.
Much has changed and much has not.
Once again my personal efforts fell short of noticeable achievement.
Nonetheless, change must be an irresistible force because it came anyway.
A story line came to and end. The last page of a book was reached. A new narrative was begun.
Our mother passed away this past year. Heartbreaking. A voice lost, someone I talked to every single day is gone.
As one force is spent so others were unleashed. I've avoided speaking of family in the past and will continue this policy now that I have deleted what I was writing a minute ago. I guess it is just not in my character to speak ill of someone as I would have to in one case.
Well what have I learned.
I learned that if I don't exercise I will be in a lot of trouble.
I learned that I can handle whatever life throws at me.
I learned that there are more people who have strong feelings on my behalf then I would have guessed.
I learned that I have more than I need and want more than I need.
I learned that I cannot have everything I want.
I learned that not everything works the way it should as I get older.
I learned that if gas spends much time at four dollars a gallon it will cost me way to much to live where I am now.
I learned that sharks circle when they smell blood.
I learned that sometimes you can make plans and that sometimes that is all they are, plans.
I learned that their are some pretty weak characters who underestimate the strength of others.
I learned that I have been a caregiver for years and didn't know it.
I learned that there are a lot of people who don't know what they are doing but the world muddles along just the same.
I did not learn where all that lost money went to!
Back soon.
Promise.
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